An Interesting Exercise

First, my apologies for not posting yesterday.  The Holy Week schedule has been a bit much, but I have been blessed to move through this important time with the church.  I eagerly await the Easter Dawn!

But, back to my week of trying not to use the Lord's name wrongly - better known as the Commandment not to take the Lord's name in vain.

It did not go so well, I should just admit it up front. 

All week long I caught myself expressing frustration, surprise, disgust, excitement, and a myriad of other emotions by using the Lord's name.  The only up side of the whole experiment was I would notice myself doing it and try to stop.  One step at a time I guess.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I was truly using the Lord's name wrongly.  I am not sure I was.  Let me explain:  I was, early in the week, doing my rounds on new patients.  These are just quick visits to make sure people know a chaplain is available in the hospital.  I do a super quick assessment to make sure they have good support, don't require any special religious sacraments, and to show them a friendly face.  I like to do most of my rounds about 12:30pm when people are awake and eating lunch.  That way I can be sure to catch them in their rooms and not out at a test.  I walked into one room of a woman who had just had a joint replacement.  She was sitting up in her chair and eating her lunch.  I was very quick and told her right off I would not keep her from her lunch but I just wanted to say a quick hello.  She was polite and stated she had lots of friends and family and no religious or spiritual beliefs, therefore a chaplain would not be needed.  The whole visit lasted probably one minute.  I wished her a speedy recovery and let her get back to eating.  As I walked out I heard her say, "Jesus Christ" in a way that clearly was to express exasperation.  I felt this was using the Lord's name in vain.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.  When people come into the hospital they have to meet dozens of people and each of those people have to do their own assessments.  It is over-whelming and exhausting.  No doubt she was feeling that way.  And as someone who was clear with me she had no religious or spiritual beliefs, she was probably frustrated to be interrupted once more.  I understand that.  But when I over-heard her mutter Jesus' name in a way which was not done in reverence or prayer, but rather in a way show a sense of hostility, I felt offended (of course I did not confront her about that, it is most certainly not my place to force my beliefs on anyone else).

I have another story.  When I was little, probably under 10, my mother and grandmother and I drove from Minnesota to South Dakota for a long weekend.  We stopped frequently along the way since I was young and my grandmother old.  We were staying at a hotel with an outdoor pool.  I loved to swim back them, so I was swimming around the pool with my mom and grandmother watching me.  At one point I surfaced and said, "Jesus Christ!"  I don't remember why or what had happened, but I do know I was trying to express a since of frustration or anger.  My grandmother instantly reprimanded me, saying never to speak of Jesus like that. 

I didn't know.  I wasn't raised in a church.  But my grandmother was raised in a Methodist church and then converted to Catholicism when she married my grandfather.  Her faith was very much a part of her life.  She did not want to hear someone speak of Jesus in a way which was clearly to express a selfish, negative emotion.

What I have decided this week is we should invoke the name of God and Jesus in our lives.  But when we do so, we should make sure we are doing it with a heart of prayer.  When I mutter under my breath, "Good Lord" because I am frustrated, it is not done as a prayer.  But when I hear a patient's story filled with pain and hurt, and respond with "Oh my God", it is a prayer.  I am invoking my faith and trust that God is with my patient through all of their struggles.

I will never be perfect in this, but I intend to continue to be mindful.  My faith has sustained me through so much and I will continue to seek ways to remind myself and others of God's awesome love and presence.  But I will do so not to cause harm or increase hatred, but to increase love and devotion.

Now, I am going to start my Easter baking and keep an eye out on the huge Easter egg hunt happening across the street in the park.  Oh my God, what a blessing all of this is.