“You shall not commit adultery.”

BTW: Before I begin.  Don’t ever Google ‘commit adultery.’  Even if your intentions are pure, like trying to figure out if it has more meanings than what we all know.  The sites you will be suggested to are not something you would your grandmother knowing about – which is my litmus test for just about everything.

Anyway, because the extent of my research abilities begins and ends with Google, I don’t know if there is something more to committing adultery than what meets the eye.

Again, this seems like a fairly easy one for me.  Since I am not currently in a partnered relationship, committing adultery is not something I am too worried about.  I would need a boyfriend first, thank you very much.  No, I’m not bitter…well maybe a little bit.

But, nonetheless this is what I will think about this week in the midst of my life.  Hopefully I can find ways to make it relevant, even to single gals like me!

Revelancy

“You shall not murder.”


This was the commandment I worked on this week. I am pleased to report I did not murder anyone all week long. Nor did I kill, which is different people tell me. Since I am a vegetarian no animals died for me this week, and I did not kill any bugs. So, I could just leave it there and say I was successful for the week. But, that is much too simple for me. This commandment got me thinking about the topic of relevancy.

I have a feeling one of the reasons the 10 commandments are not really discussed anymore, or at least taken seriously, is because they don’t seem relevant. The commandment not to murder probably doesn’t seem very relevant to someone like me, who has never had the compulsion to murder. Nor do I spend much time around those who have murdered, though some of my behavioral health patients have murdered in the past, and others feel a desire to, but really don’t want to. Anyway, not murdering is not hard for me and most people I interact with. Because of that, people may say this is no longer something ‘normal’ people need to think about too much.

But maybe that is not right. Maybe we do need to think about. Like the other commandments I have considered throughout my Life Experiment, I have decided they all still speak to us in some way. And the very fact they were written down and given so much importance in our faith traditions make them important to take seriously. But how does one do that when murder will probably never be a part of one’s life?

The reality is, murder is a part of our lives. Everyday. Everyday we are confronted by murder. On television, in movies, in books, on the internet. We are confronted everyday by the reality there are people in the world, in our towns and neighborhoods, who will intentionally take another person’s life. And we are so bombarded by this reality, it does not carry the emotional weight it should for us.
Yes, sometimes a murder becomes a big issue and many people start to talk about it. The Treyvon Martin murder for example. This has, rightly so, been the source of a great deal of talk and emotions. It should be. But how many other young, black men have been murdered since Treyvon’s death? We are most certainly not talking about that. And I think one of the reasons is because we have become de-sensitized by it. I know I certainly have.

But then I am choosing to focus my time and energy on a commandment people may tell me is no longer relevant. But it is. And what it has taught me this week is murder is against God. It damages the intricate fabric of God’s Creation in a way which can never be repaired. We are called by God not to take this lightly. It is written in stone: Do not murder.

So, I shall not murder. And more importantly, I shall not gloss over the murders of others. I will acknowledge the tear in the fabric of life, and grieve the loss. And I will do what I can to make sure those who have lost their lives will not be forgotten or become just another name on a stat sheet.

Religion and Politics

“There are two topics people should never talk about with one another: religion and politics.”  This is a problem for me, since I talk religion day and night and politics is a passion of mine.  But, where did this ‘advice’ come from and why does it exist in the first place?

Here is my theory: A person’s religious beliefs are very personal.  A person will believe what they will believe and, at least in my experience, are rarely open to suggestion.  The same is true for politics.  A person’s political stance on just about anything is for personal reasons.  Therefore it is difficult to change a person’s mind.  So, both religion and politics boil down to personal beliefs, one’s which are not changed easily.  Also, both can carry a great deal of emotional weight.  This can be proven in any conversation between a person who strongly believes one thing and a person who equally strongly believes in another.  If those two ‘things’ – whatever the thing is – disagrees or contradicts each other, passionate disagreement will exist. 

Therefore, people say don’t bother discussing either religion or politics.  A fight is inevitable.  Perhaps, but I still disagree.

Even though, as I outlined above, both religious beliefs and political stances more often than not boil down to very personal motivators, they are not personal issues.  A person’s religious life is rarely contained to just themselves.  A religious life, practiced to its fullest extent, will put a person in relationship with others.  Those very personal beliefs will effect how people engage with a neighbor, an animal, a relationship, the poor, and the wealthy.  And the exact same can be said of a person’s political beliefs.  Neither of these two “hot-button” issues are purely individualistic.  And because we live in a community, a community with other people who have their own strong opinions, then we must discuss religion and politics.

The reason I am writing all of this is because I have been asked to write an endorsement for a state senate candidate.  Not only am I writing her an endorsement, I am on her campaign cabinet with the auspicious title of field director.  She is totally awesome by the way, check her out: www.danaforme.com

When I was asked to write her an endorsement, I asked if she would like me to sign it with Rev. in front of my name.  Yes, the enthusiastic response I was given.  And a political endorsement written by someone with Rev. in front of their name draws together religion and politics in a very real way. 

But, it is my religious beliefs which inform my political stance, and it’s my political ideals which inform my religious under-pinning.  The two cannot be separated from one another.  My strong desire for justice and equally cannot be attributed to just my religion or my politics – they are both inter-mingled.  I can passionately argue for women’s rights using religious speech or political speech.  Because I live in a community, and engage with that community, my religion and my politics will both be very visible.  I will speak about both with humbleness but conviction.  And I will listen to others with equal humbleness and conviction.

I am honored to have been asked to write an endorsement for a state senate candidate who embodies the political ideals my religious beliefs call for.  And as a political Reverend I will approach my task, not afraid to draw together two ‘touchy’ subjects, but rather to engage with them in a way that encourages others to do so as well.

Quotes

I have been collecting quotes in all of the reading I've been doing lately.  And I have wanted to share a couple of really powerful ones.  No better place than here!

"Let us sing now, not in order to enjoy a life of leisure, but in order to lighten your labors.  You should sing as wayfarers do - sing, but continue your journey.  Do not be lazy, but sing to make your journey more enjoyable.  Sing, but keep going." - St. Augustine

 "The darkness is still with us, O Lord.  You are still hidden and the world which you have made does not want to know you or receive you...You are still the hidden child in a world grown old...You are still obscured by the veils of the world's history, you are still destined not to be acknowledged in the scandal of your death on the cross...But I, O hidden Lord of all things, boldly affirm my faith in you.  In confessing you, I take my stand with you...If I make this avowal of faith, it must pierce the depths of my heart like a sword, I must bend my knee before you, saying, I must alter my life.  I have still to become a Christian." - Karl Rahner

"When a bird remains long on the ground it thereby weakens its wings and its feathers grow heavy.  Then it rises, flaps its wings and swings itself up till it takes to the air and glides into flight.  The longer it flies, the more blissfully it soars, refreshing itself, hardly alighting on the earth to rest.  So it is with the soul: the wings of love have taken from it the desire for earthly things.  We must prepare ourselves in the same way if we wish to come to God.  We must rise on wings of longing up to him." - Mechtild of Magdeburg

Not so Hard

This week's commandment does not give me the same level of worry last week's commandment did.

"You shall not murder."

Right now I am feeling pretty confident I will not murder this week, and I mostly certainly hope I never will.  I will, however, reflect on the commandment this week and think about how it can still be relevant for today's 'average, non-murdering type person.'

But, I wanted to share some more about my Sabbath.  On Friday I posted I needed Sabbath.  It had been a really long, hard week.  I was tired and cranky.  I need refreshment.  So I made that my priority this weekend.  I didn't have a list of chores to do.  I turned down an invitation to participate in something.  Essentially, I just sat still and breathed.  And it was wonderful.  Today I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world.  Even at the gym this morning, I was feeling good.  And as I am on-call this week, I will need lots of stand-by energy for whatever may come up.

The biggest lesson I learned was not to let it get so bad.  Not to wait until God slaps you in the face with a commandment you need more than you realize.  I hope to incorporate Sabbath into my life regularly.  I need to regularly refresh myself so I am prepared to take on whatever comes my way and continue to live out my calling to care for others.  I hope you can do the same.

I need Sabbath

Boy, do I ever.  I am in the crankiest mood.  And you know, what, nearly everyone I have encountered today has been in an equally cranky mood.  Even people in other states.  I think Friday the 13th has something to do with it.

Anyway, this week's Commandment to live out is keeping the Sabbath.  Originally I was worried that it would not be possible, since I am preaching on Sunday and thought I would have to write my sermon on Saturday.  But I have it done already.  This means I have no plans for tomorrow.  It will be my Sabbath day.  And I can't wait.

All day today I have been thinking about tomorrow and my intentional Sabbath.  It has helped me to keep a fake smile plastered to my face today while people were rude to me.  I am craving Sabbath.  It may in fact start tonight. 

I wonder if that is the point of Sabbath.  Knowing a day of rest is coming, a day when we stop working and stop hurrying, helps us to get through the work week.  And when Sabbath does finally come, we can thank God for the opportunity to sit still and just breathe. 

I don't know exactly how tomorrow will unfold.  I do know I will go to the gym, but I will take my time and not try to rush.  I will do some baking - my idea of a really good time, seriously.  Then reading, maybe go to a consignment shop.  Essentially, I will slow down.  And I will thank God for the time.  So, when I enter into worship on Sunday morning, called to lead this wonderful congregation, I will be refreshed and ready to share the Good News of Christ's on-going resurrection. 

I hope the rest of you can find some time for Sabbath, especially when you need it the most.

Moderation

You won’t believe it, I turned my television on last night! I was asked by someone who I work with how it was going not watching television and I told them it was great and also got on my soap-box about the crud on television. They said something which struck me, “You get to pick what you watch.”

That is true. So, I wondered what would happen if I turned the TV on and watched some cooking shows – which is what I did instead of blogging last night. I watched 2 and a half cooking shows. And you know what, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t feel like, “I have been missing this!” or “I am calling to cancel my cable right now!” Instead, I felt nothing too interesting. I did turn the television off for dinner and it didn’t go back on. The only things that interested me were cooking shows and I had seen them all already.

This whole experiment has been really interesting for me. I don’t want to be on my high-horse about television, preaching against it, because we do get to choose what we watch. But at the same time, I wasn’t thrilled. I was much more interested in finishing my latest book last night than continuing to watch. But what I did decide is I need to be less strict with myself. I have been all about restriction lately, setting routines, holding back, trying to reign in my life. And that is all well and good, but it should not be a mean to an end. It should be done not because I “should” but because I “want.” Rather than swearing things off completely, what I need to learn is moderation.

The same goes with my weight loss. I am approaching the “maintenance” period, meaning I will have lost the weight I set out to loose but then need to keep it off. That is the time when people usually begin to fail. I have been restricting only, but now I need to learn moderation. And maybe I can begin with TV. I really don’t want to watch much, and I like not watching the news in the morning or evening, too negative or over-sensationalized. But my friend is right, I can pick what I want to watch. I can pick to turn the TV on and off, it is not just one or the other.

And the more I think about it, the more I am excited to watch my morning of cooking shows on Saturday. That is something which makes me exceedingly happy and I have been missing that. But then I can turn the TV off and do something productive – which this Saturday will no doubt be writing a sermon.

And when I must re-learn my entire eating patterns, again, to maintain my weight loss, I will have had some practice in moderation – something I never learned before.

Sex

Well over a month ago I did my first Life Experiment to share with this blog.  I turned the television off for one week. Well, I set out to turn it off for one week.  It has never gone back on.  The silence of my apartment has become a haven for me.

But I am not a total purist.  I don't watch TV at home anymore, but it is on in other places.  For example, the group room on our behavioral health floor has a TV were patients gather to watch.  When I am facilitating one of my groups up there I usually hang out for a few minutes watching TV with other patients.

And my gym has four television sets going all of the time.  When I am exercising I usually stare mindlessly at them.  I can't hear them, so I don't really know what is happening, but they are there.

Now, more often than not the televisions are set to one or two local news stations, CNN, Fox, or MSNBC, and ESPN.  On early Saturday morning there are children's cartoons being played as well.  These are all fine stations to have on, nothing too distracting or disturbing.  But not this morning.

This morning one of the sets was on Comedy Central.  But, it was 5am, so it was too early for regular programming and an infomercial was on.  But not just any infomercial, a 30 minute program selling an over-the-counter drug to increase sexual performance or pleasure.  And about 80% for that 30 minutes was taken up with semi-pornographic scenes of people 'enjoying' this medication.

It was 5am!  And on the television I was essentially watching people have sex, while trying to exercise in a room full of strangers.  I was so uncomfortable.

This is the reason I have given up television, because of things like that.  Sex has become a public entertainment.  Something to be sold and traded.  Not only that, people are so casual about public displays of sex that no one even seemed to be noticing or caring.  In fact a number of people were staring at the television program. 

I literally had to avert my eyes.  I felt my space and spirit had been violated.  And I felt sad for our society and what we now utilize for entertainment.

It wasn't just the station with the pornographic images on it.  As I surveyed the four televisions, one appeared to be focusing on celebrity gossip and another was focusing on some sort of sports scandal.  It was only the local news station, with its regular weather update that felt safe to look at.  Everything else was bombarding me with negativity. 

I was so relieved to get back into my car with the sanity and sophistication of NPR, and even more relieved when I re-enter my apartment silence.

I am probably sounding like a prude.  And believe when I say I really am not.  When friends or family want to talk about extremely personal things, I have no problem with that.  When my patients crack off-color jokes, I laugh along with them (as long as they are not offensive to men or women).  But it was the images which were being broadcasted that really started to bother me.

So often I hear people talking about their worries for up-coming generations of Americans.  This morning I too began to worry.  Children and adults are spending so much time in front of television screens, being de-sensitized to violence and losing the understanding of sexual intimacy, I fear we may be losing our sense of self.  What happens to a person's spirit when confronted with that all day long?

I don't have any answers.  I just needed to share my thoughts and concerns.  And tomorrow at the gym I will be better prepared.  I can't turn off the televisions, but at least I can protect my spirit from them.

Sabbath

My Life Experiment of living out the 10 Commandments continues!  Up this week:

"Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy.  For six days you shall labor and do all your work.  But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work - you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns.  For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and consecrated it."

Last night, as I was packing up my desk to get ready for another week, I glanced at my commandment for this week.  I read the above and muttered aloud, "Uh Oh."  I have a feeling this will be a hard one for me.  When am I going to get to the simple ones like "Do not murder"?

But I have committed myself to this experiment and will see it through.  Failures and all.

So, to get my thoughts rolling on the subject of sabbath, I pulled out my Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church circa 1958.  This is a hand-me-down from a good friend and mentor and something I dug out of my storage unit last night (not practicing sabbath apparently) as I prepare for a summer of preaching once a month - unusual for me.  Anyway, here is what this tried and true resource has to say on sabbath:

"It was to be sanctified by the complete abstinence from work (Ex. 20:10) and marked by the doubling of the daily sacrifices (Num. 28:9ff)...The Sabbath served the twofold purpose of being a day set apart for the worship of God (Ex. 31:13-17) as well as for the rest and recreation of man [sic], esp. slaves, and cattle (Deut. 5:14)...One of the Pharisees' chief grievances against Christ was that he declared the Sabbath to have been made for man [sic] and not vice versa (Mk. 2:27), thus freeing men [sic] from an obligation which had become intolerable."

 The definition goes on, basically saying because the Resurrection and Pentecost both happened on a Sunday, early Christians chose that day to be the Sabbath.

What I think I want to reflect on this week is Christ's teaching that the sabbath was made for people and not people made for the sabbath.  I have never really understood what that means and I intend to give it some thought.

But, despite my trepidation of trying to find time and space for sabbath rest, something I have never been good at, what is important for me to remember is sabbath rest is not some new age spiritual discipline, coming in and out of fashion.  The ancients of my faith took it seriously and thus so should I.  I am curious to see where my week will lead me.

An Interesting Exercise

First, my apologies for not posting yesterday.  The Holy Week schedule has been a bit much, but I have been blessed to move through this important time with the church.  I eagerly await the Easter Dawn!

But, back to my week of trying not to use the Lord's name wrongly - better known as the Commandment not to take the Lord's name in vain.

It did not go so well, I should just admit it up front. 

All week long I caught myself expressing frustration, surprise, disgust, excitement, and a myriad of other emotions by using the Lord's name.  The only up side of the whole experiment was I would notice myself doing it and try to stop.  One step at a time I guess.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I was truly using the Lord's name wrongly.  I am not sure I was.  Let me explain:  I was, early in the week, doing my rounds on new patients.  These are just quick visits to make sure people know a chaplain is available in the hospital.  I do a super quick assessment to make sure they have good support, don't require any special religious sacraments, and to show them a friendly face.  I like to do most of my rounds about 12:30pm when people are awake and eating lunch.  That way I can be sure to catch them in their rooms and not out at a test.  I walked into one room of a woman who had just had a joint replacement.  She was sitting up in her chair and eating her lunch.  I was very quick and told her right off I would not keep her from her lunch but I just wanted to say a quick hello.  She was polite and stated she had lots of friends and family and no religious or spiritual beliefs, therefore a chaplain would not be needed.  The whole visit lasted probably one minute.  I wished her a speedy recovery and let her get back to eating.  As I walked out I heard her say, "Jesus Christ" in a way that clearly was to express exasperation.  I felt this was using the Lord's name in vain.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.  When people come into the hospital they have to meet dozens of people and each of those people have to do their own assessments.  It is over-whelming and exhausting.  No doubt she was feeling that way.  And as someone who was clear with me she had no religious or spiritual beliefs, she was probably frustrated to be interrupted once more.  I understand that.  But when I over-heard her mutter Jesus' name in a way which was not done in reverence or prayer, but rather in a way show a sense of hostility, I felt offended (of course I did not confront her about that, it is most certainly not my place to force my beliefs on anyone else).

I have another story.  When I was little, probably under 10, my mother and grandmother and I drove from Minnesota to South Dakota for a long weekend.  We stopped frequently along the way since I was young and my grandmother old.  We were staying at a hotel with an outdoor pool.  I loved to swim back them, so I was swimming around the pool with my mom and grandmother watching me.  At one point I surfaced and said, "Jesus Christ!"  I don't remember why or what had happened, but I do know I was trying to express a since of frustration or anger.  My grandmother instantly reprimanded me, saying never to speak of Jesus like that. 

I didn't know.  I wasn't raised in a church.  But my grandmother was raised in a Methodist church and then converted to Catholicism when she married my grandfather.  Her faith was very much a part of her life.  She did not want to hear someone speak of Jesus in a way which was clearly to express a selfish, negative emotion.

What I have decided this week is we should invoke the name of God and Jesus in our lives.  But when we do so, we should make sure we are doing it with a heart of prayer.  When I mutter under my breath, "Good Lord" because I am frustrated, it is not done as a prayer.  But when I hear a patient's story filled with pain and hurt, and respond with "Oh my God", it is a prayer.  I am invoking my faith and trust that God is with my patient through all of their struggles.

I will never be perfect in this, but I intend to continue to be mindful.  My faith has sustained me through so much and I will continue to seek ways to remind myself and others of God's awesome love and presence.  But I will do so not to cause harm or increase hatred, but to increase love and devotion.

Now, I am going to start my Easter baking and keep an eye out on the huge Easter egg hunt happening across the street in the park.  Oh my God, what a blessing all of this is.

Were You There

What does it mean for us today?

Hmmm...

I have nothing to say today.  I can't think of anything at all, except to say I have nothing to say.  But I made a commitment to write a post five days a week, so here I sit.

I read somewhere writers must write at least 300 words a day in order to keep up with the habit of writing.  So, that is what I will do.

Oh, and I also read somewhere that if you don't know what you are going to write about, but you still want to write, just sit down at the time and place you usually write and start writing.  They probably didn't mean to inflict that complete randomness to those people who are kind enough to read this blog.  But, nonetheless, here I sit.

I guess in some ways, writing is a bit like exercising.  You don't really want to do it, and it takes a lot of dedication, but you almost always feel like you have accomplished something afterwards.  And when my alarm goes off at that un-godly hour of the morning, I put my feet on the ground and just get up without even thinking.  I hope writing can work like that too.

Oh, here is something interesting (maybe this whole sitting down and writing thing really works!).  I read somewhere else that when people who are in recovery from addiction more often than not they will throw that emotional energy into something else.  And for many people that is religion.  I agree with this.  I have met many people who have told me they found their "Lord and Savior, who saved me from the demon drink."  But I wonder if it is actually the other way around.  Rather than their faith helping them reach sobriety, they were able to do that momentous thing themselves.  But in order to fill the void of their addiction, they turn to religion instead.

I am not saying at all this is a bad thing.  If people can find a religious or spiritual tradition which brings them comfort and peace, then thanks be to God.  No need to question how they got there.

And in some ways, I am wondering if this same phenomena is happening to me.  There is a type of void left which I am no longer filling with food.  And lately a lot of my energy has been going into deepening my faith and supporting my church.  Which I think is wonderful.  Again, no need to question a good thing.

Alright, that should be about 300 words, yes?  Sorry to inflict such randomness on you all, but I am in that kind of mood today.  Maybe I will go read my Lenten devotional now (ha ha, but, actually, I am serious).

Burn-Out

Sometimes I worry about burn-out.  For other people in my profession and for me.  Today I am worried about it for one particular person, someone in the same profession as me.  I can see hints of it in his eyes.  And, no, I am not really talking about myself in the way kids would say, "let's say I have this friend who..."  I am not worried about burning out.  At least not today.

Burn out is a very real problem in our country.  Forced by 'society' to push ourselves to the max, to say yes rather than no to keep our jobs, we are a culture on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion.  The hospital as a term for this - presyncope.  Syncope is fainting.  Presyncope is almost fainting, getting really close, but not quite there.  We are a culture which in many respects is presyncopal.  And somehow this has become the standard way of functioning.

I am 28, three years into my professional life.  And I think it is absolutely vital I begin to think about, and prevent against, burn out.  At only 28.  It makes me sad.  Today I had to defend my weekends, which I did, strongly.  I had to say no I would not be willing to do something because I have only two days off a week.  And you know what?  It felt very empowering to say no and advocate for myself.  But I think I may be the exception.

My colleague, in whose eyes I can see the presyncopal systems of burn-out, told me he likes to say yes all of the time.  The need to please and receive positive reinforcement is so strong, he has lost himself.  And I called him on it and he heard me.  And he agreed.  But I fear what could have happened to him, or to me, if I had not seen it.

I think the #1 reason most of the patients get admitted to the psych floor is because they focus all of their attention on other people and they get completely lost in the mix.  They empty themselves out over and over again, but when a crisis erupts, they have nothing left to protect themselves. 

I am not saying my colleague is going to be a psych patient anytime soon, but I am saying I can see some of the same signs.  We have to protect ourselves, hold some things in reserve so we have it when it is needed.

Lately I have been trying to figure out how to talk about, and suggest, selfishness.  Selfishness is usually seen as a 'bad' and not a 'good'.  We are told not to be selfish and put other people first.  Which is true most of the time.  But if we are putting other people first so much our own selves become last, then what?  How can a person survive a life like that?

I have yet to figure out the correct way of talking about selfishness in a way which makes people see it as a necessary part of life.  I have yet to figure out how to explain the fine line between self-care and self-centeredness.  But I think I must keep trying.  Not just for the sake of my colleague or my patients, but for me as well.

I hope you do something to take care of yourself today.  I hope it is something self-focused and not doing for others disguised as self-care.  Me?  I am going to read, do some devotions, eat a hearty dinner, read some more, go to bed early, and exercise my body early tomorrow.  That is how I take care of myself.  How about you?

This One Will be Tough

Week Three of the 10 Commandments:

"You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name."

Full disclosure right up front - this one will be really tough for me.  At least I think so.

What is considered 'wrongful use'?  I know society thinks of this commandment at "Don't take the Lord's name in vain."  So, I looked up vain.  There were no insights there.  All of the definitions I already knew - vainly.  It essentially boils down to saying something to show disrespect.

But is making 'wrongful use' and 'name in vain' the same thing?  I am not sure.  Can we make wrongful use of speaking of God but not do so as a sign of disrespect?  Maybe.  I will need to think about it.

But, I already know many of the phrases I use might be considered disrespectful towards God by some.  Here are a few of my favorites:
 - "Lord have mercy" - typically said in exasperation when someone does something...odd
 - "Good Lord" - again typically said in exasperation when I am feeling over-whelmed
 - "OMG" - does it count if I only say the acronym?
 - "Holy S***!" - not sure if that one even counts, but it might.

Those four phrases are a part of my everyday discourse, though I do try not to actually swear in front of my patients, with only limited success (you would be amazed at the things people say to me and do in front of me).

But, the more I think about it, it seems most of the time my perhaps questionable phrases about God are actually towards God, by which I mean prayer.  Maybe I am praying.  Again, I will need to think about it more. 

On Friday I will reflect on my week of trying really hard not to make wrongful use of the Lord's name.  I am pretty curious to see how this will turn out.

*A quick update on commandment two.  I think I finally really got it and put it into action.  I put away the scale.  It had become an idol.  I was practically worshiping the evil little device.  My life would bend to its will.  So, I put it away, only to come out once a week for my weekly weigh in.  No more twice (yes, I said twice - totally disgusting) a day.  Better late than never, but I finally got it.  Thanks be to God!

Second Commandment

God works in funny ways.  Today is my day to reflect on the Second Commandment: "You shall not make for yourself an idol..."  I do have lots of thoughts about this, but one of my favorite theologians puts them much better.  And it just happens I picked up her book, again, this week to re-read it for probably the 4th time.  Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris.  If you have not read it, do.  It is one of the best books I have ever read.  And her chapter entitled 'Commandments' has some wonderful and insightful things to say about idols.  So, rather than passing her thoughts off as my own, I just want to share what she has to say.

'Jealousy' is a loaded word, and I used to cringe when I would hear the Ten Commandments begin with the injunction against idolatry: 'You shall not bow down to [idols] or worship them for I the Lord am a jealous God' (Exodus 20:5).  Human jealousy is a sign of fear.  Often, it indicates immaturity, or a maladaption of the ability to love.  God's jealousy is a different matter, more like a mother-love, the protective zeal of a lioness or mother bear for her young.  The word 'jealousy' has it roots in 'zealous,' denoting extreme enthusiasm and devotion, and God's jealousy retains the word's more positive aspects.  It helps us to trust.  Who, after all, would trust a God, a parent, a spouse, or lover, who said to us, 'I really love you, but I don't care at all what you do or who you become'?

Any relationship, to remain alive, requires at least two living participants.  In this case, a God who does not exist as a convenience, magically giving us what we want, or feel we deserve, but a God who simply IS - the ground of being, the great 'I Am.'  And with this God, experienced by the prophet Jeremiah as 'the true God...the living God' (Jer. 10:10), we can come into our own, no longer in fear of 'being nothing,' but people who can listen, who can change, who can be surprised.  Even surprised by a jealous God, who love us enough to care when we stray.  And who has given us commandments to help us find the way home.   (Page 86-87)

 Thank you, God, for your jealousy.  It helps me to remember how loved I truly am.  Amen.
 

Who Am I?

They came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gerasenes.  And when he had stepped out of the boat, immediately a man out of the tombs with an unclean spirit met him.  He lived among the tombs; and no one could restrain him any more, even with a chain; for he had often been restrained with shackles and chains, but the chains he wrenched apart, and the shackles he broke in pieces; and no one had the strength to subdue him.  Night and day among the tombs and on the mountains he was always howling and bruising himself with stones.  When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and bowed down before him; and he shouted at the top of his voice, "What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God?  I adjure you by God, do not torment me."  For he had said to him, "Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!"  Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"  He replied, "My name is Legion; for we are many."  He begged him earnestly not to send them out of the country.  Now there on the hillside a great herd of swine was feeding, and the unclean spirits begged him, "Send us into the swine; let us enter them."  So he gave them permission.  And the unclean spirits came out and entered the swine; and the herd, numbering about two thousand, rushed down the steep bank into the sea, and were drowned in the sea.  The swineherds ran off and told it in the city and in the country.  Then people came to see what it was that had happened.  They came to Jesus and saw the demoniac sitting there, clothed and in his right mind, the very man who had had the legion; and they were afraid.   - Mark 5:1-15

I have been thinking about this Gospel story a lot today.  It was once explained to me this story and the healing of the demoniac was probably an encounter Jesus had with a man suffering from severe mental health illness.  It makes sense.  A man who was forced to live in the worst of conditions, often chained up because people were afraid of him.  A man who was 'possessed' by unclean spirits, so over-taken with them, he had lost himself.

I have spent a lot of time the last two days with Legion.  A woman who cannot forgive her parents for their faults, another woman who is over-come with grief about the loss of her father, a man grieving his mother's death but is afraid to cry, a man over-come with an addiction to alcohol, a woman who cannot control her emotions and can cry and laugh and yell and smile in the same breath, and a woman who has a faith deeper than anyone I know unable to see the purpose in living anymore.  I have encountered these human souls, felt their pain, and heard the voice of Legion calling out from them.

Often these people are living on the out-skirts, shackled and chained.  People stay away because they are scared.  Often plagued by behavior which can scare even themselves, my patients are longing for a healing touch, for inclusion, for love.

And they call for me.  Why? 

I really want to know.

More and more I am feeling a call from God to minister to those in the midst of mental health and substance abuse crisis.  It is in sitting with these people, whose souls are ripped open and exposed for everyone to see, I can feel God the most.  They may feel lost and forgotten, but I can see God reflected in their eyes, and my prayer is I can reflect it back to them.

What amazes me about the healing of Legion, is he recognized Jesus and rushed to him.  He recognized Jesus when no one else did.  He recognized him, rushed to him, and bowed down before him.  Perhaps because his soul was so opened/ripped it could see the Holy better than those of us who keep our souls closed off and protected.  And when the man was blessed by Jesus, his soul was finally at peace.

My patients are calling out for healing.  They are calling out for peace.  They are calling out from their shackles and chains, looking for the love which only God can provide.  And they turn to me and I pray.  And I pray.  And I pray. 

I pray I do not fail them.  I pray I can show them the love of God which I know is there.  I pray I can give them a moment of peace.

Who am I to be called to do this?  Who am I to be trusted with such tender souls?  I sometimes want to run away, not be pulled into their human messiness, not hear another horrific story, and feel anymore pain.  But then I sit with them, look them in their eyes, and see God.  And I am drawn in.  It is in the depths of their souls they find the Peace from the Giver of Peace, and I get to see a reflection of it.  It shines through them, if only for a moment, and alights upon my heart.  Who am I to be so blessed?

Breathe

Two Lights State Park

This is where I long to be this afternoon.  I call it "my spot."  I lay claim to it, fairly or not, this is my place.  Look how gorgeous it is!  Two Lights State Park in Cape Elizabeth, ME.  Yes, that is the Atlantic Ocean on the horizon.  I sit perched on the edge of a cliff with nothing but the open ocean in front of me and...breathe.  For hours I do this.  And this is where I long to be on this gray and cold March day.

I didn't post a picture of my perch, instead the path leading to it.  I can't get there quite yet but soon.  The anticipation is almost over-whelming, just like when I walk to path on the picture.  I can taste it and see it, but not quite there yet.

So, rather than do a lot of writing this afternoon, I am going to lay on the couch, close my eyes, and put myself in this spot.  I hope, wherever you are this afternoon, you can find, either in real life or the wilds of your imagination, your spot.  Put yourself there and...breathe.

To Do

Do you have a to do list?  Probably.  I think most people have one.  Or if they don't, one of their 'to dos' is to write a to do list. 

To do lists can be really helpful.  They can keep people organized and help prioritize.  And it can be immensely satisfying to cross off a task from a to do list.  One of the pieces of advice from author Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project is to 'tackle a nagging task.'  Essentially this means do something that has been on your list for a long time but you haven't done yet.  Like for me, it was hauling the boxes of Christmas decorations back down to the basement.  Thank goodness my mother showed up for my ordination, so I had no excuse not to get them out of the guest room.  It took less than five minutes to get them where they needed to be.  And it took me three months to 'find' time for those five minutes.  I was so happy when they were finally put away.

But, I digress.  Back to the infamous to do list.  I have a bit of one tonight.  I was driving home ticking off the things which must get done.  1.) walk dog, 2.) write blog, 3.) email church secretary, 4.) edit and email letter, 4.) email committee, 5.) watch video tagged on my Facebook, 6.) write note for person coming to clean my apartment tomorrow, 7.) write newsletter article.  All of this I have decided I want to get done before dinner.  Actually, I literally thought to myself, dinner will be my reward for getting these things done.  That cannot be good.

And I don't even want to talk about my to do list at work.  Really, I am not going to talk about it.  It is too stressful to even think about.

So, rather than talk about my work to do list, I want to reflect for a minute on to do lists and their nasty relative, business.

I read somewhere people consider it a badge of honor to be busy.  In fact, I also read in this same wherever it was place, a woman feels if she does not respond to "How are you doing?" from a colleague with "I'm really stressed" or "I'm really busy" then she will not be taken seriously.  Somehow we have become convinced the only way to live is with a long to do list and in a state of perpetual stress.  And we wonder why the world is going to hell in a hulu-hoop.

I have been reading the Rules of Benedict, which focus on prayer and community life.  They are to be the priorities.  And they are to be done with God as their focus.  Prayer and community life.  Not to do lists.  And, really, prayer and community life is what it all boils down to anyway.  We just fill it up with lots of other stuff to look important. 

I want to approach the world with prayer and community life, both done to the glory of God, as my new to do list.  Everything I do, at least the things which truly matter, come down to both.  Spending my time in prayer and being a good member of my community.  Much of what I do can easily tie into this, especially in my professional life, but how often do I do it with the glory of God in mind?  Probably not as much as I would hope or like to admit.  And this week while I focus on the second commandment of not making for myself a false idol, I can't help but think my to do list has become an idol.  I just as easily bow down before my to do list as I do for God.  And usually God comes second.

Not anymore. 

I will continue to do the things which bring glory to God through my prayer and devotion to my community.  Yes, I will still email the church secretary and send in a letter of intent for a grant.  But I will remind myself the reason I am doing so is to give God glory while aiding my community.  And dinner will not just be a reward.  Dinner will be a time of prayer and thanksgiving for my health.

The Golden Calf of the to do list is pretty powerful and not easy to walk away from.  But I will try, and with God's help, I will do my best.

Week II of Life Experiment II

Today is Day One of Week Two of Life Experiment Three - well actually Life Experiment Two, but three flowed better.

Anyway,  a refresher.  For 10 weeks I will be taking one of the commandments and reflecting on it.  Trying to make it real and relevant.  On Friday I will share any stunning insights. 

And for those (like me) who can't quite come up with the second commandment on cue, here it is:

"You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the water under the earth.  You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation or those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments."

It appears to me, the second commandment will take a great deal of thought.  There are numbers and levels, it seems, which must be considered.  Which I suppose is true of everything.  But the (mis)conception out there is the 10 commandments are a simple, no nonsense form of being in a right relationship with God.  I am only on week two and I can already tell you, that ain't happening.  There is nothing simple about these basic guidelines for faith.  And for that, I am grateful.

In my work as a hospital chaplain, I often come into contact with people who believe their faith is a simple, no nonsense type of faith.  They believe there are very clear cut rules, and as long as they follow them perfectly, nothing bad will happen.  But, then inevitably, something does happen.  A heart attack perhaps.  Or car accident.  Cancer, heart disease, hypertension, etc.  These things happen to the best and worst people out there, there is no discrimination.  But so often my patients are convinced they have somehow broken one of the 'rules' of their faith.  And they are desperate for me to figure out which rule it was and set them on the right path.  How frustrating a chaplain I can be for these lovely people.  "No simple answers," I tell them.  "No rhyme or reason, it just is."  I can tell you, the looks I receive in reply to my inability to figure out the answers have to break some kind of rule!

Nope, there are no simple rules, no easy answers, and no way of knowing for sure why things happen.  It is a messy, muddy, mixed up, ugly world we can live in sometimes.  And you know what I say in response?  Thanks be to God!  Thanks be to God for not making it too easy, for not allowing some of the difficulties and set backs.  They are not pleasant and sure as hell frustrating, but we grow so much more.  Our relationship with God becomes so much more real.  It isn't a pie-in-the-sky shiny and new still in the package relationship.  Rather, there are dings, water-marks, chips, and missing pieces.  But that only shows it love and wear.  And a well-worn relationship with God is so much more comfortable than one right out of the package.

The First Commandment

"I am the Lord your God.  You shall have no other Gods before me."

This was week one of the 10 Commandment Life Experiment.  Every week for the next ten weeks I will focus on one of the commandments.  The First Commandment was my focus this week.

I have to admit it, it was harder than I thought.  I kept forgetting about it.  The First Commandment wasn't really at the fore-front of my thoughts.  I even typed it up and carried it with me, lest I forget.  I mean, every once in a while the commandment would cross my mind, and I would momentarily panic and think, "Crap!  I don't have any thoughts or feelings or fascinating things to say about this First Commandment!"  And then, inevitably, I would get distracted by my work or a book, and my mind would move on.

So, this afternoon as I contemplated what I would write about, seriously considering scrapping the whole endeavor, I started to also think about a revelation I had today.  And, the more I considered it, the more I realized, these two very different things went together.

Again, no secret, I have been working really hard on loosing weight.  I mean really hard.  Every single thing I eat I think about (no mindless eating for me).  I get up at 4:30am to work out.  And I hear a compliment, EVERY SINGLE DAY.  So, even when I am not feeling all that healthy, someone will say to me, "Wow!  How much have you lost?" - This, I believe, is the secret to weight loss.  Constant positive reinforcement.  Someone in your life trying to loose weight?  Compliment them!

Anyway, I have been working really, really hard, but I have hit a rut.  I am no longer loosing, at least not at the rate I have grown accustomed to.  And I have been doing everything I have always done.  Run, eat right, drink lots of water, eat right some more, get plenty of sleep, run.  But, my body has adjusted to my new caloric in-take and caloric burn.  It doesn't feel the need to turn to stored fat for additional energy.  I was in a rut.

And I was festering about this while drinking my coffee this morning.  "Not fair," I literally mumbled to myself.  I festered and fumed, grumbled and whined.  Until, I remembered my favorite thing to do.  Set Goals!  I love setting goals!  I'm in a rut?  Okay, well I can tackle that!  I can change things up, do new exercises, eat different (still healthy) foods.  Have more fun.  Not do the Same.Thing.Every.Day.  I got up from my morning coffee energized and with a new outlook. 

How in the world does this relate to the First Commandment?  Well, for me, weight loss had become a god.  But it wasn't a freeing, loving god.  I was trapped by it.  Enslaved to it, you might say.  Just like the Isrealites were enslaved to lives of horror (NOTE: I am NOT comparing real slavery and weight loss.  They do not belong in the same category.  Please keep reading before you send me angry messages).  We are all enslaved to things which do us harm.  Whether it be a bad job and fear of the unknown, an addiction and fear of stopping, a forced life-style and fear of change, whatever it may be, nearly everyone I know is held captive by something in their lives.  For me, it has become loosing weight.  It has so held me captive, it has become like a vengeful god to me. 

But no longer, I say.  No longer will I be a slave to an end result.  No longer will I be held captive by my old habits and plans.  I will still loose weight, but no longer in the "way it has always been done before."  Those old foods and exercises may have worked for a while, but it is time to liberate myself.  My body is telling me this.  My Spirit needs this.  "I am the Lord your God.  You shall have no other Gods before me."  Yes, I very much needed to hear that this week.

God will be my god.  God is who I will serve.  And I will serve God by caring and nurturing for myself body and spirit.  And to do that, to honor God in that way, I will liberate myself from old, worn out habits, and enjoy the ride.  The destination will still be the same, but the path there will be a heck of a lot more fun.  Thank you God.

Life and Death and a Trip to Hawaii

*Note: I usually don't write about my work on this blog.  I try hard to seperate my hospital life from my personal life.  But today I had an interaction that so effected me, I am compelled to share it.

Everyone thinks about death is their own way.  And because no one knows what happens after we die, every thought or idea is just as valid as the next.  Death can be seen as the enemy or a welcome friend.  People can lean into death when they know it is their time, or resist it with every fiber in their Spirit.  Some see it as the only option and others see it as a last resort.  But birth and death are the only universal experiences I know of, and each are truly powerful.  Today two close friends of mine are preparing for birth, which fills my soul with happiness.  And while I was thinking of them, I was called to speak to someone who is preparing for her next and last experience.  Her death.

I encounter birth and death every single day in my work.  And once, tragically, I was there for both, when a young patient died much too soon.  But birth and death are a part of my everyday life.  And they still amaze me.  I stare in wonder at the newborns and I am humbled by each death I encounter.  I see it every single day but I will never allow them to become common. 

Rarely is a chaplain called for a birth, typically my only encounter with the newest of life is when I wonder through the nursery and offer to be a rocker for a fussing baby.  But a chaplain is almost always called for death.  The need for spiritual guidance during this momentous transformation is powerful.  I am called to guide patients and their families during this time and it is in those moments I know exactly where God wants me to be.  More often than not, I encounter people at the hospital during their very last days, hours, minutes of life.  Sometimes I may never know a person except through the stories their loved ones tell.  Each experience is unique and wonderful. 

And I love to hear families talk about what their deceased loved one must be experiencing.  More often than not families imagine their grandmother baking cookies for Jesus, or their brother having a beer with God.  The human experiences which brought identity to that person often are translated into their new life in the Eternal.  It is a way of trying to make sense of that which we can never understand.  None are right and none are wrong.

But today I was called to sit and speak with a women less than 20 minutes after she had been told their was no more medicine or treatment that could help.  She was given 6 months to live.  She knew she was ill and not bouncing back like she normally does, but this was still a surprise.  She didn't know what to think or where to turn, so she asked for me.  The extent to which that humbles me is beyond my ability to communicate, so I won't even try.

As I sat with this lovely woman and her amazing husband, she told me about herself.  She told the awful story of her 9 year old daughter being murdered in one of the worst ways I have ever heard.  She told me about her living children and her grand-children.  She told me about her new hobby of Pinterest.  She told me about her.  But she wanted me to tell her about death.  She wanted me to tell her about heaven.  So I smiled and I sighed, and I said, "I don't know."  I told her about some of my experiences of being with people when they died, and the things they say and do which makes me think this world is not it.  But, I don't know.  I don't know that she will see her daughter in the new cosmic reality she will enter.  I don't know, but I hope so, I said. 

She appreciated me not knowing, and was honored I didn't try to lie and given her a reason to believe I knew what would happen next.  So we talked about something I could give her guidance on, preparing for that last moment of her life.

In many ways, my patient has been given a gift.  She was given time to prepare herself and her family for this new reality.  Too often people die so quickly and unexpectedly, and I sit with their families who stare at me with eyes so lost it hurts my heart.  But my patient today will not leave her family in that way.  She has time, so much time really, to get ready.  And as we talked about this getting ready, she introduced a metaphor which struck me as wonderful and accurate.  Getting ready for death, she said, is a lot like getting ready for your first big trip to Hawaii.

"How true!" I exclaimed.  It is a lot like that.  Getting ready for a big trip to a paradise you have heard and read about but never experienced is the perfect metaphor for preparing for death.  There is a lot of preparation that needs to take place.  You make lists of tasks you must complete before.  You makes plans for the travel.  You make sure the plants will be watered and the pets fed.  You look forward with excitement and trepidation.  It will be wonderful when you get there, but what if something happens on the way?  What if the flight is bumpy?  How can I prepare for the unexpected? 

So she and I started to make a list.  She assured me her Christmas presents will be purchased in time and knew just who to ask to help her wrap them.  She had promises she wanted from her children (stop smoking) and notes to leave for her grand-children.  And if things got bumpy on the way, we can plan for that too.  Advanced directives give families guidance and are one of the greatest gifts we can leave.

My patient started planning for her unexpected trip to Hawaii, and I sat back and smiled.  How beautiful, I thought.

Today has been about preparing for our two universal experiences.  My dear friends await the arrival of their first child and my patient awaits the moment of arrival in paradise.  Beginnings and endings in this life are connected in ways which lifts the imagination.  How incredible it is I get to experience this circle every day.

To e-read or not to e-read?

I guess the answer to the question is, e-read.  Since I now own an e-reader.  But let me tell you what, I resisted that e-reader until one was practically thrust into my hands.  But now I own one and I have a feeling I may become a convert.  But not without a little more convincing.

I am a purist.  I love a good book.  And I am not just talking about the content, though that is of course fairly crucial.  But the feeling of a good book.  One which is just the right weight and feel.  One whose pages turn really easily.  And when it is a font that suits the plot (I am not sure anyone else will get that, but it makes sense to me) it is almost a zen experience.  I am the type of person, after I finish a truly great book, I will lay it in my lap and try to become one with it.  I prefer to term these idiosyncrasies as being a purist - you may prefer to call me a nut.

Nonetheless, when the first e-reader was first introduced, I think I may have actually gotten angry.  I would see people at the airports or sitting on the coast with their e-readers and pull out my book and flaunt my old-fashioned sense of true reading.  I was convinced they would just be a passing fad.  But it seems they are taking hold.

And I mourn for book-stores and libraries.  The only book store in my town just closed.  They said they could not complete with e-readers.  It breaks my heart.  I didn't go to the store often, but I liked the fact I could when I felt the call of a new book.  I love browsing through book stores and picking a couple of new ones.  And some of my earliest memories are of the book-mobile parking at the end of my street once a week (Thursdays I think).  My dad would take me and we would each check out books.  Ah, the good old days.

But now we live in a world of technology and I do embrace it.  I may no longer watch television (I just can't handle it anymore - too weird and negative) but I no longer journal - I blog.  I write all of my patient notes in an electronic medical record.  Gone are the days of paper charts.  My bank balances are sent to me in text messages and I do most of my shopping on-line.  I have embraced technology.  And now I own an e-reader.

However, I feel compelled to point out I didn't pay for it.  I didn't steal it either, in case you are wondering.  I used points from a new recognition and reward program at work to buy it.  It arrived last night and I pulled it out of its shiny box and stared dubiously at it.  I plugged it and went back to my actual book.  And when I finished reading my actual book, I walked over to my e-reader (Nook Simple Touch in case you are curious) and looked at it some more.  "Hmmm," I thought, "Pride and Prejudice is on here for free.  That's a fancy book and I have always wanted to read it."  Then I realized I could get The New Yorker for only $5.99 a month (and I pay $6.99 an issue when I buy it at the store).  I couldn't resist.  Next thing I knew, I was downloading my first book - though I picked one that was only $1.99.  I used it for a bit last night, and I must admit, it was pretty nice.

I am still a purist, and I mourn the loss of book stores and book mobiles.  But, my love of the written word is getting the better of me.  I can carry with me whatever I am reading in my purse.  Books are at my beck and call like never before.  I have a feeling I could get used to this.

So, I am off to eat dinner and then settle into an evening with a good book, or Nook. 

Finding Equinox

Welcome to the first day of Spring!  And in Maine spring has sprung with the force of summer.  I am currently sitting outside on my porch in what feels like 80 degree sunshine.  I am wishing I had not taken the bold step of throwing out all of my old t-shirts that no longer fit.  All I have left are work shirts, running shirts, and this one long sleeve shirt made of light-weight fabric.  If it stays as warm as predicted, I have a feeling my long-sleeve shirt will get a scissors make-over and become a short sleeve shirt soon!

So, today is the first day of spring or the vernal equinox.  The consummate researcher (or 'Googler') I am, I have done some research on this important day of the year.  Equinox means, literally, 'equal night'.  So, equal day and equal night.  Today is a day of perfect balance for our planet.  And this has got me thinking about balance in life in general.

Most pop psychologists and self-help folks talk at length about finding balance in our lives.  Balance between work and home, between rest and responsibility, between this and that.  We are told to constantly seek balance.  And many wonderful religious traditions identify balance as a virtue, a state of being to be striven for.  But for the most part people speak of balance in the same non-specific ways people who tell me they are spiritual or not religious tend to.  It's an idea, a good one, but one which cannot be nailed down. 

Maybe this makes it better.  Maybe not.  But balance is more than a nice idea.  It is a cosmic reality.

It seems our planet is always seeking balance.  When humans do too much of one thing, the plant reacts in an attempt to find stability.  And as our actions have led to global warming and therefore thrown our planet out of balance, we experience extremes in weather.  The planet can feel off-kilter.  Not quite right.  Just like today.  70 degree weather in March for Maine is rare.  For the next two days, it will be in the 80s.  In Maine.  In March.  This is not normal.  And while I am enjoying it for the time being, I worry what this means for our planet's sense of balance.  What have we, as humans put on this planet to care for God's Creation, done to create such dis-harmony?

Unless you have been living under a rock or on some totally cut off island (and my blog stats do not indicate anyone is reading for either of those locations) then you know what you are 'supposed' to do.  We are supposed to recycle, reduce our carbon emission, pick up after ourselves, leave only our footprints.  We know this.  But it is so much easier to drive to work.  It is so much easier to just throw the paper in the trash rather than deal with the hassles of recycling.  We grumble about gas prices, while standing at the pump, paying to fill up our tanks, just to release more fumes into the atmosphere.  We are human.  We are not perfect and do not always do what we are supposed to.

I am most certainly guilty of these things.  And I have not yet met someone who isn't, though I have read stories about people who are trying really hard to bring balance back to our planet.  But here is something heartening I learned while doing my research on equinox.  The vernal equinox falls on the day which is mostly equal day and equal night.  It is not perfect, it is the closest we get.  True moment of balance is just that, a moment in time.  We recognize the day as one of balance, but we are actually recognizing a day when we get as close as we can.  It is not perfect and neither to we have to be.

Sometimes the thought of perfection can be paralyzing.  It can be for me.  I can't do it all so I should not even bother trying.  I know I am not alone.  But, maybe if we thought of today as a day when we will get as close as we can, then the possibilities will open up just a little more.  "I have to drive to work because of lack of public transportation, but I will recycle my newspaper instead of throwing it away."  I can't do this BUT I can do that.  Smaller bites, getting as close as we can, just like today.  It seems much less over-whelming and far more in our ability to create true balance.

We are a part of one Creation.  We have a responsibility to honor it.  I invite people today to think of one thing they can do it help restore our planet's balance.  Just one.  What a fun what to celebrate equinox!

Life Experiment II

Can any of you list all of the 10 Commandments?  Can you remember where to find them in the Bible?  How often do you think about them?  Everyday?  Hour?  Never?

These questions are of course asked to those of my readers who are of the Judeo-Christian persuasion.  Of which I am.  Not only do I lean that direction, I am in fact ordained into the ministry of the United Church of Christ.  And you know what?  I rarely think about the 10 Commandments.  In fact, rarely may be too generous.

Please understand, I do know them.  I am aware of their existence.  If pressed (but not too pressured) I could probably name them all aloud.  I do know they are found in Exodus, but the chapter and verse would escape me.  I would probably turn to my old stand-by, Google, to find out more.

And to be perfectly honest, I am not too embarrassed by this.  It seems I am not the only one who nods understandingly when the 10 Commandments are brought up, but then their minds quickly gloss over or refocus on their to do list.  They can seem quaint and out of touch with today's world.  And maybe they are.  Maybe we don't need them anymore.  But I have a sneaking suspicion they would not have lasted in public discourse this long if they didn't have something to teach us even today. 

But I don't know what that something is.

This will be the topic of my next Life Experiment.

For the next 10 weeks, I will focus my thoughts and energies on one of the 10 Commandments.  I will do my best to make sure the commandment comes up in my thoughts and actions.  I will consider it and reflect on its meaning for me and for Christians today.  I will take it seriously.

Why only one a week?  Partially because it is easier (to be perfectly honest - which I think is a commandment).  But also because I truly want to give them honest thought. 

The nitty gritty details:

• I will be using the 10 Commandments which are laid out in Exodus 20:1-17
• I will go in the order in which they are written in the Bible
• I will let you know which commandment I am working on Mondays and share final thoughts on Fridays (though I will not stop over the weekends - unless it is the Sabbath - another commandment right?)
•  During the middle of the week I will continue with my random musings which you have become familiar with, though I may add any deep flashes of insight that come my way.

This week's Commandment:
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me."

My mind is already wondering: What other gods do I have?

Thanks for coming with me on this exploration!  And tomorrow, back to my random musings on equinox.

What do I know now?

My loyal readers are pretty much my family and friends (love you all!).  So, it should be no surprise to anyone I was ordained a week ago yesterday.  But, just in case I have some secret followers out there, I will say a bit more.

Last Saturday I was ordained into ministry in my tradition, the United Church of Christ.  It was a culmination of years of study and prayer.  My call, or where I will do my ministry, is the hospital where I serve as hospital chaplain.  This is a rather rare thing, in that more often that not, people are ordained into a call to serve a church, not a hospital.  But I don't like to fit into a mold.  And even more importantly, I feel called to serve God and God's people in the hospital setting.  I am a dedicated member of my church and do serve in some ways, but I am not called to lead a congregation.

So, I week ago yesterday, I was ordained into ministry.  It was an incredible experience.  The service was simply amazing.  In fact, I would describe it as perfect.  The Holy Spirit was clearly at work in our sanctuary.  God's presence was indeed all around.  And through the laying on of hands, I felt the weight of God's love pressed in around me.  Not so much I could not hold up my head, but just enough to know it was there and it was real.

And as I moved through this week, I kept thinking: How am I different?  Do I look different?  Do I act different?  Do I know things now I didn't know before last Saturday?

I am not entirely sure of the answers.  Now, I didn't have some sort of 'magical' experience.  I was not given some sort of special, minister-y, knowledge or wisdom.  And I think this is a very important point to make.  For those who are not in the ministry and interact with those who are, there can be a perception the minister is closer to God, or knows more about God.  This is simply not true.  The minister is a human being, in all of are frailties and ridiculousness, just like everyone else.  We have simply heard a call to serve God and God's people through ministry.  Our call is one of infinite numbers.  Every single person is called to serve in some way.  This I know for sure.

I may not know anything more than I knew before I was ordained.  But I am different.  I am different in some sort of intangible way I cannot quite yet explain.  I don't think I look or act any different, but my Spirit is more complete.  I have felt the calling of God to serve and that calling has been made real.  But it is not complete.  I am not done.  In fact, I am just getting started.

I am almost ashamed to admit this, but I could not remember all of the vows I took last Saturday (gasp I know).  I had read them many times throughout the years and I do know them, but I cannot recite them verbatim.  But this does not mean they are not important to me.  No, they are incredibly important and vital to my being.  I did not take them lightly.  I will never take them lightly.  I have written them out and fully intend to keep them visible in my life until they become a part of my being.  I want to live out my vows in very real ways.

And this leads me, in a rather haphazard way, to my new Life Experiment.  I hope you can follow.  On Saturday I vowed before God, family, friends, and church to "accept the word of God as the rule of Christian faith and practice."  Then on Sunday, my pastor preached a great sermon about the 10 Commandments.  I don't think I have to prove to anyone the 10 Commandments are a part of the word of God.  Yes they have been written down by mortals, but they are clearly a part of the Christian life.  And as I listened to my pastor preach I started to think, "Hmmm, I don't think I ever really think about the 10 Commandments in my daily life.  Maybe I should give it a try."  Since I had just taken vows to live a Christian life and preach and teach the Christian life, I started to think I should really try to figure out what the 10 Commandments are all about.  I have to start somewhere and they seem like a good place.

So, this will be my new Life Experiment (and now that the television seems to be permanently off after my last Life Experiment, I have plenty of time).  Beginning Monday, for the next 10 weeks, I will make one Commandment at a time a major part of my life and focus.  I will give it energy.  I will wrestle with it.  I will take it seriously.  Every week I will add the next Commandment, until I have given each the attention they (and God) deserve.  Throughout the week I will share any major insights or developments.  Then on the following Monday I will share my final thoughts and up date you on the next Commandment I will study. 

I have a feeling this could be interesting (in the good theologically geeky way I live my life).  I hope you will at least find it amusing. 

As per my norm, I will take the weekend off from posting.  But I promise to be thinking!  See you next week!

Old-Fashioned Book Report II

 Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by James Ford

I love sharing these Old Fashioned Book Reports with you all.  I am an avid reader and I get great recommendations.  It makes reading these wonderful books more special when I get to then encourage others to read them as well.  My latest book was especially good.  I think anyone and everyone should give it a read.  And I have to do a quick shout-out to Rev. Diane Harvey, my mentor and friend, who was the one to share this book with me.

The book's main character is Henry, a Chinese American.  The book takes place during two crucial points in Henry's life.  It begins in 1985, just a couple of months after his wife's death from debilitating cancer.  During the first chapter, Henry is walking through the streets of his home, Seattle, when he comes across a crowd gathered outside an old, bordered up hotel located in what was once Japantown.  The new owner had discovered the basement was filled with old suitcases and belongings, sealed in since the hotel closed in the 1940s.  Henry watches in amazement as the new owner displays an old Japanese parasol, one that Henry recognizes from many, many years ago.

The reader then travels with Henry into his memory of "the war years," beginning in 1942.  Living in Seattle and being of Asian descent after the bombing of Pearl Harbor was very difficult.  Henry was sent to an all white school, forced to wear a button that read "I am Chinese".  Despite this rather ineffective level of protection, Henry was still mercilessly bullied.  He was on a scholarship to the school, which meant he was required to do labor.  He helped to serve lunch and cleaned up after classes.  He was the only outsider until one day a new person met him in the school cafeteria, another scholarship student who had to earn her keep by serving the white children their food.  Her name was Keiko, a Japanese American girl.

The book is about Henry and Keiko's relationship.  The book is also about the relationship between Henry and his father and later Henry and his son.  The book moves easily between the two time lines, and each transition brings new depth and meaning to the characters.  The story also has a great historical context, one which taught me about a period in US history I did not know much about, and helped me to reflect on the events of today.

I had learned in high school history, as I am sure most of you have, of the Japanese internment camps during WWII.  However, my understanding was rather vague.  I knew it happened, I knew it was not good, but I did not know much else.  Reading this book really opened my eyes to that point in our history.  So much so, I did some of my own research to learn more.  I want to be careful not to give away any of the plot, but I encourage you to go to the following website after you have read the book:
Children of the Camps. 

We currently live in a world gripped with fear.  Fear of another terrorist attack.  Fear of getting on an airplane.  Fear.  And a society which lives in fear will attempt to establish a sense of control in order to bring a semblance of order into the unknown.  We have done it before and I fear we will do it again.

Please read this book.  You can click on the image above to find the author's website.  The site includes reader's guides, etc.  Read the book and consider our history.  And consider how we can make sure such an ugly time in our country is not repeated.

Thanks for coming back to read my latest Old Fashioned Book Report.  I received in the mail today 2 (TWO!!!) new books that I cannot wait to begin reading.  I have a feeling I will inhale both, so the next installment of the Old Fashioned Book Report will be back soon.  Join me again tomorrow as I reflect on my ordination into ministry.  Do I know anything now that I didn't know before?  Probably not, but it has led me to consider my next Life Experiment, which I will be revealing!